Toilet Talk

Anyone who read my Everest blog will know my fixation with toilets. I also promised several people not to talk about it again, however Japan`s toilet tech is so good I could not resist.

There are basically two types of toilet in Japan, the high tech throne and the hole in the ground.

My first experience of the high tech version was I have to say a little tentative, you see in my world connecting the toilet seat to the mains cannot be a good thing. The high tech toilets have a command arm to the right (not unlike Captain Kirks chair in Startrek) which controls car wash mode (without the brushes) and seat temperature. The final feature provided on most I have seen I will call the cloaking device. After you sit down the toilet knows what you are doing and begins to fill the water tank ready for the flush, this is designed to cover the embarassment of the users and anyone in close proximity who may hear your workings. Some of the more high tech versions have a speaker and plays the sound of running water which can be controlled during your time in the toilet, very clever. I have to admit this is not the first time I have see this feature used, I have friends (Hi Andy & Dan) who employed the same technique when sharing a hotel room however they used loud Drum and Base played from an Ipod speaker rather than the gentle sound of running water (thats the western diet for you).

The second type is the good old hole in the ground. Over the years I have become a bit of an expert at using these types of loo and with the addition of grab handles to aid the operation what could possible go wrong.

The Japanese version is as much the same as the rest of the world but I do feel they have taken the whole miniaturisation thing too far, the hole in the ground has been modelled on a rat hole. I can imagine that its much like trying to drop a bomb into a cave in Afganistan from 30,000 feet, a challenging activity when in a hurry.

Now that I have spent some time in these facilities I have come up with a gap in the high tech market which I feel could be a winner. A laser guided toilet belt. Mount 3 lasers onto a belt which you wear when you visit said toilets, stick some markings on the floor and when the laser lines up with the markings the belt emits a popular drum and base track so allowing the bomb bay doors to open. To increase sales I could even put a sticker on it "Used by the american military" to give it a push.

This week we have mostly been listening to: Even Flow by Pearl Jam.